"I am just going outside and may be some time".

Being at times, humiliated by a country who feeds its children gargantuan amounts of food and names them things like Chuck, Eugene and Bub, is the equivalent to being beaten to the South Pole by a Norwegian.

Terry, Lampard and the rest of the London council estate scrubbers posing as England footballers should do the decent thing like a true Englishman- take the example of Captain Oates on Scott's fateful mission to the Antarctic and walk into the equivalent of a snowstorm citing 'they may be some time...' and are never seen or heard from again.

Walking into district 6, Cape Town with PW Botha masks on would be a fitting contextual equivalent or walking into some friendly fire from the US in Afghanistan would also suffice....

Oates: True Englishman, standing for the Great British values of humility, bravery and self-sacrifice in a moment of true shameful embarrassment.

Terry: Scrubber, standing for modern British values of arrogance, lethargy and cowardice in an equally monumental moment of shameful national embarrassment. And the cause of my sore throat on Sunday 13th June 2010.

District 6: modern "snowstorm"

Botha: Sexier than Terry?

People's Republic of South Yorkshire- World Cup Winners!

More World Cup mania- players eligible for the PRSY- scrubbers from S2, Rotherham, Doncaster and Barnsley are not eligible!

Eat your heart out Our Glorious Leader KimJong Il and North Korea

Players from Sheffield Wednesday that have played in a World Cup- it's quite an impressive bunch really:

-------------1. Ron Springett

2. Roland Nillson 5. Peter Swan 6. Des Walker 3. Nigel Worthington (c)

8. Chris Waddle 11. John Sheridan 4. Wim Jonk 7. John Harkes

-----------9. Trevor Francis 10. Albert Quixall

Subs: 13. Woods, 12. Viv Anderson, 15. Kevin Gallagher, 16. Simon Donnelly, 14. Dan Petrescu, 17. Deon Burton, 18. Marc Degryse, 19. Klas Ingesson, 20. Niclas Alexanderson, 21. Efan Ekoku, 22. Scott Carson, 23. Kenwyne Jones,

Reserve list: Martin Hodge (cruelly left off the '86 squad by a media friendly Gary Bailey) Darryl Powell (significantly a waste of money)

Manager: Jack Charlton

I'm sure these lot would win!

If the Wednesday made England teams...

Due to the World cup mania and counting the days down till we go home and having no Wednesday representatives in the World Cup, I thought this might be interesting...

Worryingly the Blades have had more England internationals thanks to their superior prowess in the 50s and our pre-war internationals having their careers disrupted by war as well as superior & humungously talented forward players around in the 30s, 40s & 50s- such as Matthews, Finney, Greaves etc

So here goes:


-----------------------------1. Ron Springett--------------------------

2. Mel Sterland (c)------------5.Des Walker--------3.Andy Hinchcliffe

--------------------6. Tony Kay---------4. Carlton Palmer------------

---------7. John Fantham------------------------10. Albert Quixall----

8. Chris Waddle------------9. David Hirst-----------11. Ellis Rimmer


Subs: 12. Peter Swan CB 13. Chris Woods GK 14. Ron Staniforth RB 15. Thomas Crawshaw CB 16. Michael Gray LB 17. Jackie Sewell AM 18. Jackie Robinson AM 19. Gabriel Agbonlohor CF 20. William Clegg CF 21. Trevor Francis CF 22. Redfern Froggatt AM 23. Brian Marwood LW

Reserve list: Ernest Blenkinsop LB, Francis Bradshaw CF, John Brittleton CM, John Brown GK, Harry Burgess AM, Horace Burrows DM, Earl Barrett RB, Edward Catlin LB, Nigel Clough AM/CF, Mark Chamberlain RW, Scott Carson GK, Henry Davis RW, Edward Davison GK, John Hudson DM, Francis Jeffers CF, Fred Kean CB, Thomas Leach CB, William Marsden CM, William Mosforth CM, Stuart Ripley RW, Fred Spiksley LW, Jackie Sewell AM, George Stephenson AM, James Stewart AM, Alf Strange DM, Andy Sinton LM, George Wilson CB, Gerry Young DM

Manager: Howard Wilkinson

Justification for formation/tactics

I've gone for a mix of youth and experience... the pre war players would be used to playing like this which is a slight defensive rework of the old WM formation that served English sides so well before the late 50s/early 60s- it also is quite contemporary in its outlook when you look at the better technical sides- although not England sadly.

Hinchcliffe and Sterland would look to push on and carry the ball when in possession like a couple of Brazillian full backs and as such Carlton and Tony Kay would be looking to keep back on these instances. Fantham and Quixall would be an equivalent Gerrard and Lampard looking to pull the strings and weigh in with their fair share of goals from distance.

Waddle and Rimmer supplying the crosses of course, for a glut of goals with head and foot for the ultimate centre forward that England never had.

Justification for selection

1. Springett- already a veteran of the '62 world cup and would've been a shoe-in, in the real world if it wasn't for the maverick brilliance of Sheffield's own Gordon Banks.

2. Mel is frankly SWFC through and through and the best homegrown product I've ever seen. He would also make a great captain and if it wasn't for southern media bias for Gary Stevens/Viv Anderson should surely have been on the plane for Mexico.

3. Hinchcliffe- strange choice but was loads better than Le Saux and Gray in this team and I think poorly managed by Hoddle for inclusion in France '98

4. Carlton- again much maligned by England fans- nearly as good as Viera comparisons aren't really far off the mark.

5. Des- Quite frankly the best player ever to wear an England shirt with SWFC connections in my lifetime. Man of the tournament in Italia '90 for me. Only just edges Swan out because of my age as I believe he would've been a world cup winner but for the betting scandal in place of Jack Charlton and of course was first choice centre half in '62.

6. Tony Kay was apparently a legend in this position according to older relatives- would make Gareth Barry look like Solvedt I imagine- hard running, fearless and never lost the ball. Our loss was Everton's gain- the change in formation where wing halves weren't cool, the prison sentence and Alan Ball, Nobby Styles and various London team midfielders can't have helped in the 60s.

7. John Fantham was also very unlucky because of Jimmy Greaves and Geoff Hurst apparently. My dad used to play against him in the '50s and regularly kick him into the stands in schoolboy football and he also once asked my mom on a dat when my dad was doing his national service in '59. Pathetic I know, but it's my team- I guess Starling (the ubercaptain of SWFC) Robinson (a cult legend for SWFC if ever there was one in a Wednesday side who were like the Man U of the 30s) Froggatt (post war appearance record for SWFC and up against great players in the 50s and missed out on a regular spot due to too many good inside forwards around and Wednesday's topsy turvy decade) and Sewell might be pissed off, but I'm the gaffer like I said...

8. Waddle- what can I say. Speaks for himself- don't think Chamberlain/Sinton should be too disappointed.

9. Same goes- bizarre that Dooley never got a cap- but again short career, not as good/consistent as Lofthouse et al and played in an up and down team- Hirsty didn't and would be the best espcially in this formation.

10. Quixall- again a legend in north Sheffield- the origianl old big 'ead who used to puke before matches in reality. Was snatched by Man U post Munich and the rest his history- didn't live up to expectations as Britain's most expensive player. By all accounts (from my mother who used to live next door to he and younger brother George were regularly beaten by their father- an evil brute of a man who I guess wasn't on his own in those hard times of the early post war austere 50s- apparently George was more talented but had no talent because of this- and Quixall was more or less golden bollocks in his father's eyes) Again another Selfish one but i doubt many would argue against his inclusion in the starting 11.

11. Ellis Rimmer- an absolute SWFC legend and after listening about him from my gran and his grandson who I went to uni with was very unlucky not to add to his few caps with such good players around again. (if only we had that dilemma now) Was always going to get the nod over my childhhod fave- Brian Marwood.


I'm sure all of these could show Jamie Carragher a clean pair of heels alive or dead...

Name Change

The names have been changed to protect the innocent- D and I, thanks for logging in.

4 posts in one month? But madam, you are really spoiling us!

New Zealand really is an amazing place. I've never been anywhere where you can literally drive for hundreds of miles and only have sheep for company.

J and I decided to hire a camper as it was the easiest and cheapest way to see the country. Despite the freezing cold nights in the South Island, wearing socks, jumpers, jeans and hoodies to bed and hip pains from sleeping in the back of van, they do not take away from the fantastic experience travelling around in it was. The 'Super Tui' became our mucky friend.

As promised to a friend a few weeks ago, this is the rundown of what we did in our two weeks in New Zealand. Be prepared to break the speed limit and have a numb bum from so much driving:

In the North-Mount Mauganui, Rotorua, Lake Taupo, Tongariro National Park and volcano, Wellington, Martinborough; in the South-Marlbrough Sounds, Kaikoura, Franz Josef Glacier, Tekapo, Twizel, Queenstown, Dunedin, Otago Peninsula and Christchurch!!! Our favourite bit of the whole trip was walking up and through the volcanoes at Tongariro-amazing. Thanks to Rochelle for making our trip that little bit more special.

After such a good time in New Zealand, I wasn't all that keen on going to Australia. J may have had a few choice words to say about the Aussie officials, but my opinion was much worse. I was actually cursing the day Jon convinced me we ought to at least drop into Australia seeing as we had to fly there. However, I'm pleased to say that my first impression of the country was wrong. Sydney was a lot nicer than I thought.

There's a nice atmosphere to the place and I can see why so many people want to settle there. Possibly not for me but there's definitely a lot going on.

We did the usual: Botanical gardens, the harbour bridge, the harbour, the Opera House (all of which are located around the harbour) and wandered around the districts of the centre. We also took a day trip to Manley Beach (nice but flaming freezing. No sunbathing to be had there) and an hours drive up to the Blue Mountains with a stop off at the zoo first.

As you can see, we didn't spend our 5 days doing an awful lot. The harbour sights took half a day and we didn't do a fat lot at the beach either. We had spent 14 nights in the back of a Toyota van with plywood and 2 inch foam sponge mattress as a bed. We ate beans, toast and more beans and toast from our camp stove. We did nothing but relax in Sydney and it's a good place to do it. Besides, we'd had to sell a kidney each to pay for New Zealand-Australia is also not cheap.

The highlight of our trip to Oz was not our meeting with Clint the Koala or seeing the view of the Blue Mountains but meeting Gary Kemp from Spandau Ballet in a very nice Italian cafe. He was sitting there eating, minding his own business with his wife, kids and mother-in-law. And I got J to pester him for a photo. Poor bloke. Never mind, at least I now have a picture that could make me £50 in 'Take A Break'.

The Land of the Long, White Cloud

There was a possibility that Thailand's memorable month of April would've been spent celebrating Songkhran and having water thrown over us and flor slapped across our chops in any of the wonderful holiday destinations around these parts.

As it was, we went 'back to civilisation' via the 3 blobs of island in the South Pacific that used to belong to the British Empire and have long been cherished as a 'once in a lifetime' visit for most of us born in the UK.

So revelling in the three week holiday, we were off on the first Saturday on the exceptionally good Philippines Airlines to Manila. Which was quite an experience as the overly-fussy, dressed like an extra from Tenko, Aussie immigration officer delighted in checking the bags, whereabouts and intentions of us in a crowded airport.

This was our first 'experience' of the Aussie authorities whose reputation precedes them as a bunch of boorish, ignorant racists who for some reason think everyone wants to stay permanently in their boring, cultureless, shite version of England/America that they are so precious over it stinks of inferiority.

There I've said it- I've never met an Australian I liked- there I've said that too.

On with the journey then and a long plane ride to Sydney let us have a quick one day stay before we landed some hours later in New Zealand.

A country of just 4 million souls of course, New Zealand has always been something of a mystery to most people. Famous for the sheep and the rugby and its supposed better treatment of its indigenous population and a mass migration for artisans from England in the 50s.

The only think I ever knew about it was my uncle nearly took his family including my mother when she was a young girl back in the 50s (so I wouldn't exist of course) and a Blue Peter summer expedition to both former colonies by, I think, Simon Groom, Janet Ellis and Peter Duncan back in the '80s. So two things really.

All that's changed recently of course with Peter Jackson's LOTR trilogy creating the ultimate tourist information film and probably quadrupling NZ's economy in the process.

Nowadays it's the ultimate destination for outdoor types, thrill seekers and people that want to drive on unspoilt roads without seeing others.

It truly was a beautiful island though and it seems we might have got there just in time before it might possibly change for good. It provided us both with some special memories. From the drive down the north island from Auckland through the volcanic areas and wine tasting and good company in Wellington, to the mammoth trips across the south island in a big loop taking in just about everywhere including a wonderful two day air safari across the Southern Alps.

We really are very fortunate to be in this position and we do appreciate the opportunity to visit such wonderful places on the other side of the world.

Also it was a great opportunity to avoid any of the political unrest in Bangkok at the moment. Hopefully that will die down soon though as Mr Thaksin slowly sees his billions of baht slowly decrease with the wages that are being paid out to his upcountry 'freedom fighters'.

Oh to be back in the land of the long white cloud.

Vietnam

A long time ago, before I fell into the 28-35 age bracket on questionnaires, I was told by a French youth in a New York hostel that if I was going to visit anywhere in the world, I should go to Vietnam. Many years later, having gone from North to South of the country, I think the chap in question exaggerated somewhat, however, Vietnam is definitely somewhere that I would recommend to anyone wanting to travel round South East Asia.

As stated in the last blog, we had just 6 days to travel length of a pretty long country. We started off in Hanoi, the country's capital. It was 13 degrees and neither J nor I were particularly well prepared for the 20 degree drop in temperature. However, the city is vibrant, manic, distinctly Asian yet having a very French feel about it. Another by-product of colonisation.

The Vietnamese have been colonised a lot. And they are very aware of it. They celebrated Chinese New Year with banners, fireworks and a five-day holiday. They had been colonised by the Chinese from 111 BC till the French took over in the 19th century. As a result, their streets resemble French boulevards and they do the best baguettes outside of Paris (not my quote but one courtesy of the inflight magazine. Though I'm happy to admit, they were very good). The French didn't leave till 1940 when the Japanese took over. This was short lived as the Japanese surrendered to the allies and then...

Their national museum, Ho Chi Minh's Mausoleum, the guided tour around the Cu Chi Tunnels all celebrate the fact that they avoided being colonised again- by the Americans.

Our stay in Hanoi was very lovely, very cold but also, sadly, very brief. We had to have a whistlestop tour of it's highlights by a lovely rickshaw driver who who had to pedal both me and J up and down hills in his little bicycle!

Next stop, Hoi An, a lovely little town on the coast which was also celebrating new year with gusto. After a few days there and a brief stop at the Royal city, we flew to Ho Chi Minh City which is still referred to as Saigon by Vietnamese people.

In Saigon, we visited the Cu Chi tunnels and the war museums. Our guide was a fantasist who, nevertheless, was extremely entertaining. We were given a rundown on the activities of the Viet Cong during the war, their tactics and their hiding place: the tunnels. Our guide Bean claimed to be a Vietnamese citizen born and bred who became a US soldier, leading a troop, and fought against the Viet Cong in the war. Somehow, I do not believe him...

Vietnam is busy yet laid back. The people are calmer and less materially orientated than their Thai neighbours. And although Thailand is known as the Land of Smiles, I felt the smiles of the Vietnamese people were a little more genuine and a lot less rehearsed. I enjoyed everything about its multifaceted culture and its friendly people. I couldn't live there as I've got a little too used to how developed Thailand is. However, I would definitely visit Vietnam again, hopefully spending more than a week there next time.